I didn’t think having a second baby would tough. Since we have (well, had) two frozen embryos, I assumed the hard part was behind us and we’d pop those suckers in and walah! (Viola! but that doesn’t look right)  Gus would have siblings.

Both embryos were essentially the same grade as Gus so I was full of excitement when I made the first call to schedule our consultation. All aboard the Let’s Have Another train, woot woot!

I couldn’t believe how easy the Frozen Embryo Transfer process was, especially compared to the bumpy road and unknown expectations the Fresh Cycle brought. I had to take 3 pills (of estrogen, 2 mg) a day and two inserts of Crinone (progesterone) for a few weeks before the transfer + one doctors visit to check my uterine lining and that. was. it! No shots? No trips to Cincinnati every other day? No carrying grapefruit sized ovaries around all day? Woot woot!

The transfer itself went great. We changed into scrubs, kissed the picture of the embryo and watched on the screen as the doctor ever so gently placed our sweet, sweet Baby Wurt into the top of my uterus and prayed for a successful implantation.

In all honesty, it wasn’t until about 5dp5dt that I started having weird thoughts of doubt. I was so positive, so confident, so hopeful until that day that I really had not spent any time thinking about the possibility of it not working. I put all my worry into thinking about what we would do with the third frozen embryo, in the case we don’t want a third child but I couldn’t fathom “destroying” a potential miracle that we worked so hard for.

When asked, I told my friends and family I didn’t feel pregnant, like I did with Gus. I had energy, an appetite, I still had my insomnia — all the opposite of the early days with the first pregnancy. I started spotting and called the clinic, where she comforted me that it was “normal, and probably from the Crinone” which I confirmed with my research, it was normal.

But I still knew.

Three days before the proposed beta testing day, I knew I couldn’t wait. For the very first time in every single infertility procedure, I tested early. First test – positive. It was faint, but it was positive. Second test – negative.

Great. (insert eye roll)

I called the clinic again and we decided to do the beta test the next day, two days early.

Results: technically, pregnant. But the number (24) is too low for a viable pregnancy.

I didn’t cry immediately. The nurse and I talked about it for a little bit and discussed the low hcG + the bleeding meant I should discontinue the medicine, retest on Thursday and we’ll discuss our next steps in a few days with the doctor.

It’s been 22 hours and I’m sorting through the result the best I know how. I was used to negative tests with Clomid or a trigger shot, even with IUI, I was okay. But I never dreamt of receiving a negative test with the “big guns” of IVF/FET.