So my last post was 22 hours after we received news that our pregnancy wasn’t viable. (Awesome Valentine’s Day, eh?) Another 22 hours later, we entered into a 10-day total rollercoaster, which took about 6 weeks to end. During a miscarriage, your beta numbers should be decreasing and during pregnancy, your beta numbers should be doubling every 48 hours.

48 hours after my initial low beta number results, we found out my beta numbers were continuing to double. We went from 24 –> 56 –> 116 –> 200. The day we found out the pregnancy wasn’t viable, the doctor told us to end the medication that nurtured the uterus to keep the fetus growing. So i stopped, for two days.  When the doubling number came back, I was instructed to go back on the meds but to stay “cautiously optimistic” …because you know, the hormones always keep me rational and realistic. HA. HA. HA.

Long story short, the numbers kept increasing for 10 days before they finally started to go down. I know it was a blessing because even if they did continue to increase, the numbers were still SO low that I would be nervous the whole pregnancy and just waiting for something bad to happen. Gus’ numbers were always incredibly high and the idea of multiples was definitely in the minds of us + the doctors until we had the confirmation ultrasound.

It took about 6 weeks to actually miscarry, in March.

I was at home with Gus when it happened. I held the tiny being in my hand. I  prayed over it like any mother would do and I cried because I knew my baby was greeted at the gates of heaven with the type of love only the Lord could provide. My baby tried so hard to continue to grow, starting in January 2015, more than two years before I got pregnant. That baby is/was Gus’ sibling and could be the closest Gus will be to having a sibling.

With a broken heart, worry and enough hope/faith to keep us going, we transferred our third and final embryo in April which happened to be the day after I watched my third nephew being born into this crazy world.

It failed. So out of our three embryos from our first round of IVF, one resulted with our sweet miracle boy, August Russell, the second resulted in a miscarriage and the third failed. It’s all part of our horrid but beautiful journey.